5 things telenovelas can teach you about writing

 

Kate del Castillo the Queen of telenovelas 

(Photo (c) Netflix)

I came across some telenovelas on Netflix - and now I'm hooked. 

In case you don't know what a telenovela is, it combines the words television and novel for good reason. A telenovela is a serial drama mainly made in Latin America so usually in Spanish. Usually there's a hint of soap opera about them and they are very dramatic. 

My favourites so far have been Ingobernable (starring Kate del Castillo the Queen of telenovelas as the First Lady of Mexico), La Reina del Sur (the English language version is Queen of the South and it's about Teresa Mendoza who goes from grieving woman to drug lord - also played by Kate del Castillo) and The Marked Heart (A woman who's given the heart of a young mother who is murdered for her organs becomes part of her reluctant donor's family life). 

Watching them isn't just entertaining, it's also taught me a few things about writing - 

Telenovelas have lots of "WOW" moments 

1. How to keep people interested by using twists and turns - telenovelas seem to have a twist every 5-minutes. There is never a dull moment. If a telenovela was a book you would never put it down. At least not because you were bored. 

2. Having lots of characters isn't necessarily a bad thing - when it comes to the plot it gives you much more room for manoeuvre. Characters that seem like peripheral ones at the start can be given more of a storyline that can be just as good as the main storyline. Many characters means lots of threads to pull. Lots of subplots. 

Too much telling not showing in dialogue

3. How not to write dialogue - one thing that's very noticeable about telenovelas is the use (or should that be abuse?) of information dumping in dialogue.

Example - "I know that you found the letter in the jewellery box and read it and found out about me stealing the baby from the woman who lived downstairs."

Give your big reveals time to breathe

4. Give your big reveals time to breathe - they don't tend to do this in telenovellas which often means the big "WOW" moment you get is so fast you don't get to savour it. When writing your novel, give readers the chance to think, "WOW, I didn't see that coming" and to react to their surprise and absorb what it means for the story. 

5. Think about the music that would accompany the scenes in your novel - Telenovelas make use of music to illustrate what's happening in the story very well. 

Butcher City - (Detective in a Coma Book 2) gets reviewed by Mystery People

 

Published by Diamond Crime, 
28 September 2022. 
ISBN: 978-1-91564915-7 (PB)

DI Duncan Waddell is facing the most bizarre case of his career.  It seems that a killer is stalking victims on Glasgow’s streets.  Men unfortunate enough to be caught are being abducted, tied up, force-fed, then strangled and their livers removed. 

The first indication is a reported kidnap – the victim is Kevin Drummond, a well-known career criminal, who has been found unconscious near a hospital.  When he comes to, he claims that he had been abducted, but had managed to escape - his story is supported by physical evidence, but he is very confused and does not know who he is.  However, he does insist that his abductor apologised for making a mistake.  Then another victim is found - Daniel Adams.  The investigation into this murder reveals some unexpected information, but does it support the idea of a serial killer, or is there something else behind the killings? 

During the investigation, Waddell, as is his habit, visits his friend and colleague at the Intensive Care unit, where he has been since receiving injuries which had left him comatose.  Waddell updates Stevie on his current case and they talk things over.  Waddell seems at ease with this unusual and unlikely state of affairs, but no-one else, staff or family, knows about it.  For them the question is how long Stevie will be kept on life support if there no evidence of any improvement in his condition. 

The story moves forward with a number of unexpected events before the individual ribbons of evidence are neatly tied up and provide a disturbing solution.  The characters are well-developed, all adding their own flavour and knowledge to the investigation.  Waddell holds his team together and deals with the twists and turns confidently.  This is the second in the Detective in a Coma series and it will be interesting to see how the storyline involving the actual detective in a coma is handled.  
------

Jennifer Lee Thomson is an award-winning crime writer who has been scribbling away all her life. She also writes as Jenny Thomson and is an animal and human rights advocate.

Jo Hesslewood.  Crime fiction has been my favourite reading material since as a teenager I first spotted Agatha Christie on the library bookshelves.  For twenty-five years the commute to and from London provided plenty of reading time.  I am fortunate to live in Cambridge, where my local crime fiction book club, Crimecrackers, meets at Heffers Bookshop .  I enjoy attending crime fiction events and currently organise events for the Margery Allingham Society.

Butcher City is available on Amazon and all good book shops. Click here for details 

An extract from Vile City - what made me write the crime thriller

Vile City tells the story of abducted Shelley and DI Duncan Waddell's attempts to find her.

The inspiration for Vile City 

The idea for Vile City came to me one day when I was walking through Glasgow city centre. In my mind's eye, I could see a young woman walking with her boyfriend. He's caught short and goes down an alleyway to relieve himself. 

When he hasn't returned after five minutes, the young woman goes looking for him. 

She sees him lying on the pavement as though he's fallen and leans down to check if he's okay. That's when a figure appears and grabs her and injects her with something.

It was trying to figure out why that would happen that Vile City came about. 

Who was this woman? 

What was going to happen to her?

Has she been targeted or was she simply unlucky? 

Would she live to tell the tale? 

I kept asking all these questions and like anybody would, I wanted answers.

I hope you'll be as interested to find out the answers as I was. Hey, I'm nosy like that:)

Yay, publication! 

It's been a long, long path to publication for Vile City. At one stage I was convinced the book would never see the light of day.

Yet in 2011 when I won the Scottish Association of Writers Pitlochry Quaich for a first crime novel, I thought it would help me win a publishing contract or an agent or both. I came close a few times.

One top publisher loved it, then turned round and said there were too many Scottish crime novels. Another only wanted to publish it as an eBook. But I love real, physical books. The feel and smell of them, so I turned down the contract offer.

A literary agent was interested but nothing transpired. 

Thankfully, another publisher came along and I was delighted. 

Meanwhile, here's a sneak peek - 

Chapter 1

Stuart was hiding something. Shelley could tell. She was always the one who'd had to wake him because he could always block out the shrill of the alarm clock, but these days he was up before her, grabbing the mail whilst she slept. And, he’d started making breakfast – nothing much, just tea and toast, but that was more than he’d ever made her in their two and a bit years together.

When she'd calmly ask him if anything was wrong, he’d shrug his shoulders, give her a wee smile and say everything was fine. But, she knew he was lying because his face went even paler, making his freckles stand out as if they'd been drawn in by a kid with a coloured pencil. She never pushed it, maybe because deep down she was worried that he’d tell her he’d met someone else.

The No.76 bus was empty when they clambered onboard - one of the benefits of working until 11 at night in a call centre, was that there was no need to scoot past a sea of legs and become a contortionist to get on and off a bus.

Their cold breath filled the air with ghosts as they walked towards Waterstone’s, Shelley pausing to take a peek at the new crime fiction releases showcased in the illuminated windows, whilst Stuart fidgeted with his watch. He was always footering about with something since he’d given up cigarettes and it drove her mad, but at least it didn’t fill his lungs with tar and make the house smell like an overflowing ashtray.

“I need to have a pee,” he announced, as they came to the dimly lit lane off Mitchell Street that reeked of eau de Glasgow: decomposing takeaway, urine and other bodily fluids.

She groaned. “Can't you wait until we get home, Stuart?” She knew she’d pronounced his name “Stew-art” as she always did when she was annoyed with him, but she couldn’t help it. What made men think it was okay to urinate in public?

Stuart looked pained. “Sorry, I can’t. Too much coffee tonight.”

She let him walk on ahead of her and whilst he scooted down the alley, she stood outside the amusement arcade, pretending to look in so she wouldn’t be mistaken as a prostitute. Around here, at this time of night, unaccompanied women were likely to be mistaken for prostitutes. It'd happened to her once when she'd got off the bus alone. Stuart hadn't been working that night.

Five minutes later, she was so cold she couldn't feel her nose and Stuart still wasn’t back.

She turned the corner to look for him, fully expecting to see him ambling back towards her with that jaunty walk that always made her smile. But, he wasn't there.

Where was he?

Anger welled up in her chest. Had he started smoking again? He swore he wouldn't.

There was one way to find out.

She headed down the alley. The sole light was provided from some nearby buildings so visibility was poor.

She’d walked a few steps when she spotted a bundle of rags on the ground. Was someone sleeping there?

She moved closer. Squinting into the dim light, she realised it was Stuart. He was lying motionless on the ground. He must have tripped and knocked himself out after hitting the concrete.

She ran over to him, calling out his name, the squeezing in her chest waning slightly when she knelt down and heard him groan.

She pulled her mobile phone from her bag to call for an ambulance.

She didn’t make it to the third digit. A gloved hand clamped across her mouth and nose, cutting off her airways and the phone fell from her grasp, clattering onto the cobbles. Terror gripped her and she couldn’t breathe.

As she struggled, her assailant pressed his mouth to her ear. He was so close that it occurred to her that if anyone saw them they would think he was her boyfriend whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

“Your man’s been given a strong sedative. He’ll wake up with a sore head and nothing more. But, if you scream, I’ll kick him several times in the head and he’ll never get up again. Do you understand?”

She didn’t recognise the voice, but there was an accent. Not from around here. His voice was cold and emotionless.

She nodded under his hand. Then she did something he didn't expect: she back-heeled him in the groin.

There was a satisfying yelp as he released her.

She ran, arms pumping away like Usain Bolt’s, down towards the café at the end of the alley and safety.

She'd almost made it when he grabbed her arm and hauled her back. An electric shock shot from her elbow to her shoulder as she pulled herself free. He was too strong.

She could offer little resistance as he dragged her towards him.

Before she could scream, he punched her fully in the face and she went down with a thud jarring every bone in her body, momentarily stunning her.

As she fought to get up, he punched her in the back and she fell again.

The last thing she saw was the pavement rushing towards her before she blacked out...

TO BE CONTINUED...

You can get your copy of Vile City by 
clicking here 
Amazon UK
Amazon.com 

Harley was so excited to see the 1st pre-publication copy

Unsolved: The mysterious disappearance of Suzy Lamplugh and Mr Kipper (man in a kipper tie)

What is a kipper tie?

Kipper ties are broad ties known for having horrendously garish patterns and colours. When I think of used car salesmen I think of kipper ties. 

The police at the time did consider the possibility that Mr Kipper wasn't the man's name at all - or even an alias - but did her killer definitely use that name? Or was it that he told Suzy he would be wearing a kipper tie so she would recognise him when they met? Hence, she wrote down Mr Kipper not bacuse it was his name but because he told her that's how she could recognise him? 

Shirley Banks - murdered by a psychopath

Convicted killer John Cannan, the coward who abducted and murdered newlywed Shirley Banks has been constantly linked to the Suzy Lamplugh case. In prison, he'd gained the name Mr Kipper because of the big ties he wore but what if he wasn't the Mr Kipper Suzy wrote about at all, which is possible? 

Cannan's MO doesn't match the Lamplugh crime 

Arrogant Cannan is hardly a criminal mastermind. He doesn't come across as a planner. Instead, his attacks were more opportunistic. He seems to have crossed paths with his victims rather than have planned his vile crimes and arranging to meet the estate agent at a house would have taken some planning. 

Consider his previous known crimes. 

1. He used a knife on a shop assistant at a dress shop. Thankfully, passers-by intervened. 

2. He tried to abduct a woman at gunpoint in a car park the night before he targeted tragic Shirley. 

3. When he abducted Shirley Banks, she was out shopping. He took her back to his own flat and held her hostage before he killed her. Then, he stupidly put the tax disc from her car in his glove compartment where it was later found. 

Dumb criminal 

It seems inconceivable that he could have abducted and killed Suzy without leaving any trace. He just doesn't come across as smart enough. 

In short, he's too stupid to have killed Suzy and gotten away with it without leaving a trace. 

I pray that I'm wrong because if he didn't kill Suzy that means someone else did and unlike Cannan they're still out there. Have they killed again? Once killer's escalate they don't tend to de-escalate to lesser crimes. 

Hopefully, one day Suzy's body will be found, and she can finally be laid to rest. 

Attributions 
- Lamplugh with her hair tinted blonde, as it was on the day she disappeared

Original publication: Distributed nationwide in the media, July 1986 onwardsImmediate source: https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/suzy-lamplugh-suspect-john-cannan-7178859, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=71314872

6 of the Most Important Things I've learnt in 30 years of getting published

He has it all figured out - it took me years.

Thirty years ago my first piece was published in Jackie magazine about superstitions. I've learnt so many lessons along the way.

Some of them took me too long to learn and have cost me.  

There's a lot to recommend old fashioned pen and paper

1. Never edit on screen. 
You miss too much and sometimes your mind sees what it wants to see and not what's really there.

There's nothing more time consuming than forgetting what you put in each chapter and spending hours searching through your work to check something was or wasn't included.

Print out your work and edit with pencil or in red pen and then edit onscreen. I don't know why, maybe it’s the rhyme of pen or pencil on paper that concentrates the brain.

2. If you don't read books you can't write books. 
Reading opens your eyes not just to how others write, but to the mistakes they make.

3. Read as widely as you can. 
I write crime and devour books in that genre, but I love reading horror and anything supernatural too. At one stage, I read every Western I could get my hands on.

Read books you love. Read books you hate. That way you can see what works and what doesn't.

4. Do chapter summaries or outlines so you know what you've written in every single chapter with a quick glance. 

Trust me, I've learnt this the hard way.

Keeping track also helps with continuity. You don't want people to shriek, "How can she have a fight with her brother when he died of a drug overdose and it was mentioned in chapter five!"

5. Save copies of your work every single day. Use a free online storage company like Dropbox.

Does your Internet provider give you access to online storage free? If so, use it. 

Back up not just every single day you do any work, but any time you make substantial or important changes. As well as online storage companies, email yourself your work to every email you have that either offers unlimited or a generous amount of storage. And invest in a an external drive. One large enough to store EVERY FILE on your computer.

That way if you're computer has a nervous breakdown you won't have a melt down when you discover you've lost all of your work.

6. You can put a bit of yourself into one character or every character, but never make them you. 
Make them react in their own way to things that happen to them, not you.

We give characters life, but its theirs to live in their very own unique way.

What do you think of those tips? Are there any tips that you swear by?

I'd love to hear from you.

Drop me a comment on this blog or contact me on Twitter where I tweet as @jenthom72

I hope to tweet you:)

submitting to publishers and agents is tougher than writing the actual book

 

So you think you've done all the hard work? - submitting to publishers and agents is tougher than writing the actual book.

I know this is not what you want to hear. It's not what I want to write either. You've worked tirelessly to get a finished manuscript. Honed it as best as you can. Edited and edited it to perfection. 

Now you are ready to send your baby off into the world. 

This should be the easy part, right? This is where I have to be totally honest with you. I find submitting the book to publishers and agents is much tougher than writing the book itself and it can take just as long if not longer.

The reason? The different guidelines that agents and publishers have for submissions.

And when I say different guidelines the very between individual publishers and agents and noticed agents and publishers.

Take the latest book I am submitting to agents and publishers (yes, some do accept manuscripts directly from authors). One publisher, I'm submitting to wanted 5000 words that best show your author's voice. And they don't necessarily have to be the first 5000 words of your book. 

This is an unusual request because submissions usually involve sending your first 3 chapters or 5000-10000 words or similar.

At the moment, I have 7 different publishers and agents on my top list and they all have very different submission guidelines which means some submissions can take a day or even days to prepare. 

What is a synopsis?

The synopsis is a case in point. There seems to be a difference of opinion in what exactly a synopsis is and what it should contain. To some, it's a rundown down of the story, whereas to others, it's more of a pitch for your book mentioning how you think it will stand out who will beat it and what competing books are. 

It's differences in what you have to submit and what interpretations are of what that material should contain that make submitting your novel so difficult.

If like me you are at that stage the best of luck to you. You have entered one of the most frustrating aspects of being a writer - the crazy world of what a proposal should contain.

Please let me know how you get on.

How to kill your neighbour - my WIP

She thought she'd something in her eye.

Yes, that title got your attention, but I'm not really advocating killing your neighbour although I am currently writing a crime novel with the working title How to kill your neighbour.

For one thing, it's hard to get away with it because you will be considered a prime suspect due to your proximity to the victim. And that goes double if you've had a yell off with them in front of your other neighbours.
For another, to kill some neighbours would take a stake through the heart or a silver bullet. 

You know the kind of neighbour I mean? The kind that would rather launch a foul-mouthed tirade at you for some imagined slight rather than a 'Good morning.'

Again, I'm only kidding about killing your neighbour. Honest. Where would it get you? Prison for life. 

One person who did get away with killing their neighbour - at least in a short story I read - did it in the most novel of ways. 

The method used was contaminating the solution their contact lenses were in so their eyes started to sting and smart as they drove to work and guess what, they crashed their car and died in the wreck.

I haven't decided how my killer will murder their neighbour but I'll keep you updated on how I'm getting on with Killing my Neighbour.

Meet my writing mouse - other writers have a mouse

Every other writer has a muse. I have this wee guy - a mouse. #amwriting 

Vigilante City - Book 3 in the Detetcive in a coma is out now

  Vigilante City - Book 3 in the Detetcive in a coma is out now

Everybody expects Douglas John MacDonald to be convicted for the rape and murder of schoolgirl Kylie Donovan. When he walks free there’s a public outcry. But someone is not content simply to leave it that way. 

MacDonald is found murdered – his pinkie removed just like his 15-year-old victim’s. The police believe it’s an isolated incident, until more murders follow.

DI Duncan Waddell and his team have to work fast. They know that, guilty or innocent, no one is safe until they catch the vigilante killer.

You can buy Vigilante City here

Amazon UK Kindle 

Amazon UK Paperback 

Amazon.com Kindle

Amazon.com Paperback 

I know what you're thinking - yet another crime/mystery/detective novel. 

Here's why you should read Vigilante City- 

You should read Vigilante City because who hasn't asked the question has justice really been served? 

In Vigilante City that's the question being asked as those seen as getting away with murder are picked off by a hooded assailant, killed in a similar way to their suspected crimes. 

When the unthinkable happens and one of the dead turns out to be innocent, DI Duncan Waddell and his team are under even more pressure to catch the culprits. 

Vigilante City makes you ask the question - if justice hasn't been achieved, is it okay to take it into your own hands? 

Other books in the series -

VILE CITY

BUTCHER CITY 

Coming soon...

ROMEO CITY 

Justice finally for Caroline Glachan, aged 14

Caroline was a vibrant young girl with her whole life ahead of her

When 14 year old Caroline Glachan set out one night to meet her friends in West Dunbartonshire, she wasn't to know that would be her last night alive.

She was found later face down in a burn with horrific injuries. She had at least ten head injuries and her skull was fractured in several places. It was described as a 'horrific and violent attack' by the prosecutor. Mercifully, experts think she was unconscious when she was put in the water. She drowned. 

Police investigation found that Caroline had been besotted with a boy named Robert O'Brien. He was a few years older than her and she'd gone to meet him on a bridge that fateful night. She left her home just before midnight.

She was never seen alive again. At least not by anyone who loved her. The last person to see her were her killers. 

It took 27 long, heartbreaking years but when Caroline's mum Margaret McKeich stood outside the High Court in Glasgow and announced that her daughter could finally rest in peace, it was a day she worried she would never see. 

For 27 years, her wee girl's savage killers had been free to enjoy their lives. To enjoy family events and special occasions like birthdays, weddings and Christmases. Caroline's mum couldn't even enjoy her birthday. Not when her daughter had been brutally murdered and the date on her death certificate was her 40th birthday. 

Unknown to the 3 monsters who'd killed her - all teenagers when they murdered Caroline - the clock was already ticking. It took nearly 3 decades but the countdown to them being punished for their evil crime had begun.

It was police re-interviewing witnesses in 2009 that snared Caroline's killers. 

The testimony of a 4 year old boy helped convict the evil trio. He didn't testify at the trial but there was a police recording of the captivating little boy being interviewed 27 years ago where he spoke of seeing a 'lassie get battered' and fall in the water helped convict the vile trio.

The killers had been babysitting both him and his brother when they'd taken them to the spot where they'd met Caroline. 

Robert O'Brien was 17 when he murdered 14 year old Caroline
It was a brutal, unprovoked attack.

It would end with Robert O'Brien* who was 4 years older than the dead girl, Andrew Kelly and Donna Marie Brand being found guilty by a jury of their peers. Their motives for attacking the 14 year old were never fully established.

Now that countdown is over and Caroline finally has her justice that was denied for so long.

*Thug and heroin addict O'Brien had been sentenced to 10 years in prison in 2006 for the attempted murder of a stranger near his home. He had a lengthy criminal record. 

Keeping track of your novel's characters

Writing a novel series is a balancing act

One of the most important and time consuming parts of writing a series of books based on one character can be keeping track of the continuity. I discovered that to my cost when writing my Detective In A Coma series of books featuring Detective Inspector Duncan Waddell and his comatose sidekick DC Stevie Campbell. 

Unfortunately I hadn't prepared myself for making sure I maintained contiuity in my characters, which often led to me having to trudge through hundreds of pages of text to make sure everything I'd written was consistent. 

I've just finished writing book 4 Vigilante City and with the weird way that publishing works book 2 in the series Cannibal City will be published soon.
Keeping track of the characters and what's happened to then in previous books is tricky when you don't have a system in place.  

That's why I have my trusty notebook - an old fashioned one you write in - with pages devoted to every one of my main characters and plenty of space left to add in new details.

I'm using a notebook because I can carry it around with me, but I also back up the details online using file storage service Dropbox, my email and I have it in a Word document. 

Hey, as writers we can never back up too much, can we?

What should be in your notebook

1. Name and brief outline of the character.
Include full name of your characters including middle names and nicknames if any, age, general appearance.

2. Personality - What are they like as a person?
What do they like, what interests them, how do they treat others, what makes them laugh, have they any phobias/hang ups, are they dour or do that have a good sense of humour etc...

3. Personal details - are they married, divorced or single, do they have kids (if so what ages are they?), do they cheat on their partner, do they have any health problems etc...

4. Major events they've gone through. This would usually be things that happened to them in your books or that you've referenced in your books. 

For example, my sidekick detective DI Waddell has been able to have two-way conversations with his best pal and colleague Stevie Campbell, but nobody else can hear him. I had to establish in my notes when Stevie first spoke to him.

It might seem like you're spending too much time doing this, but trust me, it will turn out to be a major timesaver later on when you're not having to trawl through hundreds of pages of text just to find out what colour of hair a character has.

Tip - Have a photo of each character - some writers find it easier if they have a photograph of how their characters look pasted into a notebook, or pinned to a noticeboard on the wall or on their computer desktop. 

It can be a picture of anyone including of a celebrity or a generic photo cut out of a magazine.

If you find yourself losing your character you can look at it and it might put you back on track.

True Crime Provides Inspiration

When it comes to writing it's frequently said that we should draw inspiration from our surroundings, but often that isn't true of crime writers. On the whole those of us who haven't worked as police officers, prison guards, parole officers or crime reporters tend to have lived a much more sheltered life. The closest we get to real crime is watching a documentary on the TV or reading true crime.

At least that was the case with me until I moved to be closer to my elderly mum after my dad died following a long battle with cancer.

It seemed like the right thing to do at the time but its fast turned into a nightmare, but on the plus side I now have plenty of material for countless crime novels thanks to events that have happened since I moved.

The first week at our new flat the police came to our door looking for a flasher. Apparently some degenerate was going around with his penis hanging out and hiding it behind a newspaper before assailing the eyes of women going about their daily business. My OH was questioned as were other men in the areas, but he was cleared very quickly because the police were looking for was someone well over six feet.

They never did catch this flasher, but it gave me an idea for a short story that might turn into a novella.

Round two came when my partner who had never been the victim of a crime before unless you count the mullet he had in his teenage years (I blame Kevin Keegan), was targeted by two muggers with one spitting on him and the other punching his head when he refused to let go of the bags he was carrying. Whilst this was happening, in blood daylight, several cars were stuck at the traffic lights and not one single person though to so much as toot their horn.

That made me conduct some research into why many people who witness crime do nothing, and why others intervene. That became the basis of what will be my fourth Detective in a Coma book, Vigilante City. Publication date TBD as the second and third book haven’t been published yet due to unforeseen delays.

Being in such a crime hotbed means I've leant some new skills too that I’ve used in my recent work. After my mobile phone was stolen out of my pocket whilst I was out walking the dog with my partner, I discovered exactly how to track it down and I managed to pinpoint it to less than a mile from where it was stolen using the Find My Phone function on my mobile. Handily, I also found out how to remotely access the phone's contents and transfer them to my other phone as well as how to delete them once they're no longer useful.

Best of all, I could lock the phone remotely and render its pre-payment SIM card totally useless so the thief wouldn't be able to make so much as a call or a text, effectively turning it into a lump of useless plastic.

This knowledge I've acquired will come in handy in years to come as I write my crime novels.

As well as the frustration of having my pocket picked in what I'm now calling The Incident, the lost phone inspired me to come up with the idea of a novelized Phone Booth for the year 2018.

In case you've never seen it, in Phone Booth (2002) Colin Farrell's character is passing a phone box when it rings. Foolishly he answers it and that's when the menacing voice of Kiefer Sutherland comes over the line and tells the unlucky guy he's got a sniper's rifle aimed at him. Oh, and he knows all about him.

Phone boxes are disappearing faster than sugar in soft drinks, so in this case my lead character would find a mobile phone and being such a good Samaritan, he decides to hand it into the local police station. Before he can make it, the phone rings and he answers it and it soon becomes obvious that someone is watching him and they threaten to hurt his family if he doesn't shut up and follow orders. They don't care that he's not the man they hired. They just want whatever clandestine task they have in mind for him done. Then he'll be off the hook.

But are you ever off the hook with these kinds of people? As every crime novelist knows, the answer's a resounding no.

A few months ago a man was arrested on my street for dangerous driving, whilst drunk and found with a cache of weapons straight out of a horror flick, including a machete and no, he didn't work in a nearby restaurant or a butchers.

What should my next book be about? How about a main character who gets their phone stolen during a mugging, who then goes around the city in his car looking for his attackers. This vigilante's weapon of choice - clearly a machete.

Inspiration as they say is everywhere and I've now got more than my fair share.

Note - this piece first appeared in Red Herrings the magazine of the Crime Writers Association 

How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks gets the review treatment over at the fantastic Mystery People

 Kirsty Gets Her Kicks gets the review treatment over at the fantastic Mystery People. 

Here's what Dot Marshall-Gent had to say - 

‘How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks’ by Jennifer Lee Thomson

Published by Shotgun Honey,
13 June 2019.
ISBN: 978-1-6439-6005-0 (PB)

'Wow.  You took out one of McPhee’s boys with one bloody leg.  Awesome.'

Kirsty explodes onto the opening page of this outrageous thriller as a thug makes the mistake of getting too fresh with her. She’s not the sort of woman who takes kindly to such behaviour.  She is the sort of woman who deals out her own justice.  Kirsty may be a below-knee amputee, but whatever anger she feels about her disability, she channels into her overwhelming desire to succeed in a life that has dealt her some cruel blows.  Having stopped the would-be attacker in his tracks, she allows herself a moment of self-congratulation.  Then, as she considers her next move, Kirsty makes the unwelcome discovery that Jamie, another member of the bar staff, saw everything.  The annoying voyeur reveals that the guy she just flattened is an “enforcer” employed by their boss, Jimmy McPhee. 

McPhee is a career criminal who controls much of the illegal activity in this area of Glasgow.  He has friends in high places, including the local constabulary, and enough dirt on the city’s bigwigs to ensure that his nefarious endeavours are kept well below the law’s radar.  As if Jamie’s presence at the scene of her crime was not enough, it then turns out that the hapless-looking witness seems to want to join forces.  This is the first of many conundrums that our anti-heroine faces in the novel but, rest assured, she’s rarely out of ideas to deal with the most impossible of situations.

The pace of the narrative is fast and gets faster as Kirsty uses her quick mind and laudable resilience to face and overcome countless challenges that confront her as the story progresses.  Her true north may be slightly off when compared with that of the average citizen, but Kirsty’s backstory is harrowing, and she can be forgiven the odd offence.  Her proclivity to inflict grievous bodily harm is restricted to those who have done far, far worse.  Kirsty does have a softer side which, when it shows, elicits empathy.  The writing has humour too, but it’s never cosy.

How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks is a tongue-in-cheek thriller with an unbreakable and unstoppable hard-boiled protagonist taking a rip-roaring ride in a wild and wind-blown tide.  If you like tough and gritty this is for you.  Expect the unexpected in this adults-only novel and you’ll still be shocked.  Enjoy it, I did!
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Reviewer: Dot Marshall-Gent

Note - review is copyright (c) of Mystery People.

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What's it about then?

A tale of skullduggery that plays out on the mean streets of Glasgow…

One-legged barmaid Kirsty is in a shit-load of trouble after she kills one of gangster Jimmy McPhee’s enforcers with a stiletto heel to the head after he gets a bit too handsie.

Now she’s on the run from the gang boss who loves to torture his victims before he kills them, with a safe-load of cash she stole from him and a hot gun. And she has company—a choirboy barman Jamie who just happens to be the only witness.

She needs to survive long enough to spend the cash.

How difficult can it be to catch a “daft wee lassie with one leg?” Glasgow hardman Jimmy McPhee is about to find out. Kirsty’s made a laughing stock out of him and he doesn’t like that one wee bit.

Bring together a one-legged barmaid who’s legged it with a safe load of dirty cash, a spurned gangster’s wife who wants a walking womb for her mail order sperm, a giant birthday cake and a mad chase to the end, and you’ve got How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks: one freaking minute at a time.

Praise for HOW KIRSTY GETS HER KICKS:

“A high-kicking, double-barrelled, blast of grindhouse pulp.” —Paul D. Brazill, author of Last Year’s Man

“How Kirsty Gets Her Kicks hits the ground running and does not let up for a single breathless second. I tore through this in one sitting, and it’s a hell of a ride filled with colourful characters and casual violence—everything I look for in crime fiction—not to mention a lead character that takes everything thrown at her and just keeps on coming. This is a great story, and Jennifer Lee Thomson is a great story-teller.” —Paul Heatley, author of Fatboy, Guillotine, and the Eye for an Eye series

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